


Afterlife

by theblackempress



Series: The Happiest Years of Their Lives [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Awkward Kissing, Cutting, Depression, F/M, Recovery, Self-Harm, Sequel, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Underage Sex, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 23:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2559965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackempress/pseuds/theblackempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aradia struggles with the hardest times of her life.</p><p>I'M NOT GOING TO FINISH THIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What An Awful Word

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to [_Miracle Drug_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2275293/chapters/4999617), from Aradia's perspective.

She couldn't believe it. He... He was gone...

Aradia shoved her hands in her pockets, limping out of Eridan's bedroom, before the notebook caught her eye. She turned around and sat down on the ground under the body of her best friend, reading the note he left for her.

_Arrie,_  
 _I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't._  
 _I'm going to miss you. You were my best friend up until the end. You mean so much to me. Please don't get caught up in my death. It'll just pull you back._  
 _You hold so much potential. I don't want it to go to waste._  
 _Tell Sollux and Feferi that they were amazing friends and that I don't hate what they did._  
 _Tell Cronus that he was the best brother I've ever had and that I love him._  
 _Tell Orph that I love him, too._  
 _And tell everyone else that I'm in a better place now._  
 _Aradia, I love you a lot and stuff. I wish we could've, I dunno, gotten married or whatever. I just couldn't go through with life anymore. But you're strong, unlike me. You can do this. You can push past._  
 _Thanks for all the great memories,_  
 _Eridan_

He's gone.

He's gone and Aradia couldn't bring him back.

She ripped out the paper of the notebook and stood up, watching the body hang and sway slightly. Eridan's eyes were half open. Aradia's eyes welled with tears. She closed Eridan's eyes and kissed the cold skin of his face. She gripped his scarf tight and pulled it off, then left, not daring to look back.

She was in a daze as she left the Ampora household.  _This isn't happening... This isn't happening..._ She thought. She wrapped the scarf around her neck and walked down the street, watching the other pedestrians. A shiver went down her spine. The days were getting colder now. Winter was coming. Golden leaves cascaded from the high trees above. _  
_

She sludged her way to the train tracks. Across from there and a block down was her house. Red lights started ringing and noise blared in her ears, but she didn't care. Out of the corner of her eye flashed bright lights and the screech of a train. She frowned. _Fuck it. I'll be with Eridan this way._ _  
_

Aradia was tackled to the ground a few feet away from the train tracks, unscathed, save for a few cuts from the fall. A four-horned boy with 3D glasses stood above her.

"Are you fucking  _insane?!_ You could've got yourself killed!" Sollux yelled. Feferi dashed over and knelt beside Aradia, propping up the girl's head. Rust-coloured tears streamed down the lowblood's face.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!" Aradia cried. "I'm such a fucking idiot..."

"Whoa, whoa." Sollux said, turning a complete 180. Metaphorically, of course. If it was literally, that would be stupid. "What happened?"

"And what's with the getup?" Feferi asked, referring to the cobalt and periwinkle scarf. "You steal this from Eridan or something?"

Aradia sat up, crying into her hands. "He's  _gone,_ you idiots! He's dead and gone and it's all my fault!"

"Gone...?" Sollux choked out. The words were not processing.

"What do you mean?" Feferi asked. She couldn't believe Eridan was dead.

"He hung himself! Look!" Aradia sobbed, holding out the note he wrote. The two scanned it over.

Sollux ran a hand through his hair. "Holy fuck, I didn't actually think he'd go through with it..."

Feferi's eyes went wide. "I never got to say I was sorry..." She mumbled, her voice high and hurt.

A cop car, ambulance, and a fire truck had pulled up, coming over to Aradia and questioning Sollux and Feferi on what happened. A bystander had called the police on the matter, assuming Aradia's carelessness was a suicide attempt.

She was wrapped in a warm blanket, holding a cup of tea and sitting on a gurney, blubbering about Eridan to the paramedics.

"What's his address, sweetheart?" A policeman asked. She held her hand on Aradia's shoulder, rubbing the girl's back.

Aradia spat out the address, shivering. "He left me this..." She mumbled, holding out the note.

"Yes, dear. We know." The policeman said. "I'm sorry about your loss."

"It's all my fault...!" Aradia squeaked.

"No it's not. You know it's not." The policeman said. "Come on, let's get you home." She waved to the paramedics to start packing it up, wanting to go to Eridan's house to scope out the scene and bring Aradia back to the station to talk to her.

" _No!_ I don't want to!" Aradia screamed. "I don't want to! I just want my friend back!"


	2. I See It When You Smile

Aradia was excused from school those next two weeks. All she did was sit inside her house, playing Skyrim to get things off her mind. She created a High Elf she named Daniel that specialized in the Arcane. She made him join the College of Winterhold. Eridan loved the College quest.

She only left her room when it was time for Eridan's funeral.

Dressed in ebony, she stepped up to the open casket of her best friend. Eridan's preservative-stuffed hands were laid across his chest, clutching a book and a "white science" wand, as he called it. The book was  _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,_  his favourite of the series. They dressed him in his typical black sweater and cape, but Aradia refused to hand over his scarf. She couldn't leave it behind, thinking she'd be leaving Eridan behind.

She herself held some flowers in her hands. She laid them beside Eridan's head, keeping all her tears inside. "He's just sleeping," she mumbled, forcing a smile. "I'll see him tomorrow."

His neck was covered by the sweater, hiding the damage done by the noose, and sleeves covered his arms and the scars that adorned them. In retrospect, Aradia appreciated the decision. Nobody had to know about Eridan's depression. Nobody had to know the truth.

Aradia took her seat as a sermon started. On her right was Karkat Vantas and Nepeta Leijon, two kids from school. They were in reds with each other. Karkat knew Eridan a bit. Childhood friends. Nepeta didn't know him as well, but she wanted to be there for Karkat. On Aradia's left was Sollux and Feferi.

"I'm sorry about your loss," Karkat rasped. He patted Aradia's hand. "He was a nice guy. I wish I got to know him better."

"Yeah, real nice." Nepeta said. Aradia knew the two of them were lying. Eridan was a douchebag in public. He was so rude to everyone and always bitter, never cracking a smile. But in private, he was the sweetest person ever. Unless Nepeta and Karkat had the blessing of spending the night with Eridan, watching movies and eating junk food together, they wouldn't have known the  _real_ him.

"Hey, uh, if you ever need anything, just ask." Karkat said. He held out his phone. "What's your number?" They swapped phone numbers, and Nepeta did the same. "I don't want you going down the same path as him. It's the coward's way out." Karkat said. "You're not a coward." He patted Aradia on the back.

Aradia said "Thanks" in a low voice and looked down at the ground, kicking her black Mary Janes into the carpeting. Sollux kept flashing a look at her.

"You holdin' up okay?" Sollux asked. Aradia looked up at him and nodded, trying to force a smile.

"I'm better," she lied.

"Fef and I were gonna go out for coffee after this to clear our heads. Would you like to join us?" Sollux offered. It felt a bit insensitive, but it had the best of intentions.

"I've got nothing better to do." Aradia mumbled.

* * *

 

Eridan's gravestone was a bit more elaborate than the typical stone. It was a little statuette of child Eridan, staring up at the skies, with carved text reading his name, his birth and death dates, and the words  _The Boy Who Believed In Magic._

Aradia sat at the grave long after everyone had left. She drew a heart in the upturned dirt, writing  _A + E  ∞_ into the soil.

She felt as if she was going to freeze to death. That day was a particularly cold day. Frost started appearing on the grass, but no snow had fell. Aradia wished she brought along Eridan's scarf.

A hand rested on her shoulder. She looked up at Sollux and Feferi.

"Come on, let's go." Sollux said. Aradia stood up, gave one last goodbye to Eridan, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally believe that suicide is **not** the coward's way out, and I personally will yell at you if you say it is. It's insensitive.  
>   
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	3. And We Sat In The Snow

"To Eridan," Sollux said, holding up his mug of hot chocolate. He, Aradia, and Feferi were at Starbucks after the funeral.

"To Eridan," the girls repeated. They clinked their drinks together and drank to their deceased friend. Aradia sipped slowly at her drink, not believing anything. Eridan was  _not_ dead! She knew it!

Feferi patted Aradia on the shoulder. "It's all gonna be a-okay, guppy. Look at me," Feferi said. Aradia looked up at the highblood, eyes heavy. "You can move past this."

Aradia nodded, not paying an ounce of attention. "You're strong, I know it. I see it in you every day!" Feferi smiled, patting Aradia.

"Don't touch me," Aradia grumbled, scooting away.

"No need to be so angry, AA." Sollux scolded the girl. Aradia shot him a glare. "Seriously, why so pissed?"

Aradia stood up, throwing the chair back, and stormed out of the place, muttering about Sollux's insensitivity.

Though the day was an average late autumn/early winter temperature, it was unusually cold for Aradia. She took out Eridan's scarf and put it on, immediately feeling much warmer. She could tell why Eridan wore the scarf every day. The scarf also smelled of him, having a strong scent of vanilla on it. The same vanilla she had smelled from him the night they spent that she would not forget.

She missed the feel of his fins on her cheeks, fanning happily like how a dog would wag its tail. The gentle contours of his lightning-shaped horns, feeling each and every crack and misshape in the bone. Her lips pressed against his, then down to his soft, spongy gills. He always giggled when she kissed them.

During that night, he accidentally got his scarf tangled in her horns, and the two of them had laid together like that, her head to his chest, for the entirety of one of their movies. She had pressed her ear up to him, counting his heartbeats. Though Aradia was much heavier, Eridan had enjoyed her laying on top of him.

Aradia kicked at the grass, letting snow puff into the air. She was starting to get frostbitten and picked up the pace, starting to head home. She couldn't take it anymore. She felt like she was going to throw up...

And she did, keeling over into the snow. Immediately she checked if she stained the scarf, but no, it was safe. She wiped her face and continued on going home, wanting to forget everything and just...

Disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will pay someone to draw me some Aradia/Eridan fan art. I love those two dorks so much. <3  
> Aradia is climbing up the ladder of my favourites.
> 
> But Eridan will always be on top.  
> my sushi hipster.  
>  _MINE!_


	4. The Way You Do

Aradia was forced to go back to school the week after the funeral. She began to fall into disrepair after. Her hair was a mess of tangles, she hadn't taken a shower since the night of Eridan's suicide, and she refused to eat. Strangely, she'd begun packing on pounds. It didn't help that she was already overweight. In short, she was a mess.

She sat in the lunchroom, picking at the food her sister had packed. A granola bar, a thermos of soup, and a juice pouch. There was not a dent in any of the foodstuffs.

Someone tapped on her shoulder, and she looked up. It was a fellow student, Equius Zahhak.

"Erm, Ms. Megido, I'd like to give you my former apologies for your loss..." Equius said nervously. "If you need any support, there's always the school counselor to talk to, and if that isn't comfortable, I'd like to extend my services to be a sort of support, if that's alright." He sat down next to her and took out his phone. "What's your number?"

She looked up at him and shrugged, then continued to stir her soup.

"Do you just need time?" Equius asked, leaning close to her.

"Go away," Aradia rasped. She propped her head up on one hand and stirred the soup with the other.

Equius looked at her food then at her. "Please, at least eat something. You need to keep your energy up."

"Go away!" She yelled, standing up. "This is none of your fucking business! Leave me alone!"

All eyes turned to the two of them in the lunchroom, and Equius backed away. "I-I-I'm sorry, I just-"

"You just what?! Wanted to make yourself look better?! Just leave me alone!" Aradia cried. She grabbed her backpack and ran out of the lunchroom, dashing into the girls' bathroom and taking shelter in the handicapped stall.

She leaned against the linoleum wall and cried, taking out her phone and going to her text messages. She tapped on Eridan's name and sent him a frantic message, pleading for help.

 

> **11:52:** cm0n please answer i need t0 talk t0 y0u...  
>  **11:52:** i'm really nerv0us and im freaking 0ut please...

She curled up into a ball. A message response flashed on the screen.

> **Error:** The number you have dialed is inactive. Please try another number. Thank you.

Cronus must've stopped the service to Eridan's phone. Aradia threw her phone on the ground in disgust, watching the screen shatter and the phone break.

The blip of a policeman's walkie-talkie sounded, and someone knocked on the stall door, jiggling the lock. Whispers could be heard from outside.

"Please come out, darlin'." A voice said as someone kept jiggling the lock.

" _Leave me alone!"_ Aradia cried. "Just go away!" _  
_

The lock broke and the bathroom stall door swung open. The school cop stood above her, along with another student using the bathroom, a teacher, and Equius.

"C'mon, honey. C'mon..." The cop said, trying to pick up Aradia. The girl flailed in protest, kicking out and screaming. The cop grabbed Aradia's wrists and dragged the girl outside.

A crowd of students had gathered, as well as a few interested teachers. The cop took out his walkie-talkie and quickly called the principal and school counselor to alert them of an incoming student in distress...

* * *

 

Aradia sat in an empty room adjacent to the counselor's office. The room was filled with bean bags and happy crayon drawings drawn by the mentally-challenged and special needs kids, with a fill-in-the-blank detailing what made them special.

_I'm special because I'm STRONG enough to lift a hundred pounds._

_I'm special because I make the best snickerdoodles my friends have ever tasted.  
_

_I'm special because people really like the music I make._

She laid her head on a bean bag, fiddling with her backpack. She took out her shattered phone, now broken beyond repair. She squeezed the useless brick, feeling warm, rusty blood break through her skin. Aradia hoped there weren't any security cameras in the room. Surely she would be in trouble... But assessing the current situation, she was probably already in a whole ton of trouble. But no matter. Nothing really mattered anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The students that did the motivational posters in the counselor's office were Equius, Jane, and Dave. I have a personal headcanon that Equius has high anxiety issues and Jane and Dave have depression and self harm issues.


	5. All That Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zuryial wanted me to update this piece of shit so w/e here

"Miss Megido, please come in," the counselor said, opening the door to the room Aradia was in. She got up and followed, sitting down in their office.

"First of all, I apologize for your loss. A tragedy, yes." The counselor said, looking down at Aradia. "Eridan was a kind boy..."

Aradia squeezed her wounded hand. "Get to the point," she grumbled through gritted teeth.

"Yes, of course. Miss, you really need to start controlling your outbursts. It is extremely inappropriate! You are nearly seven sweeps old and exhibiting such childish behaviour!" The counselor yelled. "If you pull another stunt like that, I will have no choice but to expel you!"

"Go right ahead, ma'am." Aradia smiled. "It's not like I'm going to live long enough for it to matter."

* * *

 

That night, Damara didn't care what happened with Aradia. Hell, Aradia didn't even understand her sister half the time! She barely checked on her younger sister when Aradia came home.

Damara mumbled something in Japanese to herself, glaring at Aradia, who barricaded herself in her bedroom.

She whipped off her peacoat and shoes, kicking them to the side, and turned on her computer. Sitting down neatly on her bed, she checked her messages. A few flashed on the screen from Sollux, and one from Equius.

> twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]
> 
> TA: aa  
>  TA: aa what happened?  
>  TA: ii heard about 2hiit goiing down  
>  TA: what'2 the deal?
> 
> apocalypseArisen [AA] joined the chat
> 
> AA: it's n0thing  
>  TA: you 2ure about that?  
>  AA: it's  _n0thing_  
>  TA: ii heard about the phone thiingy  
>  TA: you hurtiing your2elf and all that  
>  TA: what the hell?  
>  TA: ii got really fuckiing 2cared.  
>  TA: iif you need help, you can alway2 talk two me about iit  
>  AA: i d0n't need help  
>  AA: i'm fine  
>  TA: 2top kiiddiing your2elf. ii know what'2 goiing on.  
>  AA: h0w?  
>  AA: h0w c0uld y0u p0ssibly kn0w what's g0ing 0n with me??  
>  TA: 'cau2e ii know the 2ymptom2 of thii2  
>  TA: 'cau2e of eriidan  
>  AA: FUCK 0FF  
>  AA: Y0U HAVE N0 IDEA WHAT WAS G0ING 0N WITH ERIDAN  
>  AA: Y0U HAVE N0 RIGHT T0 SAY ANYTHING REGARDING HIM!!!  
>  AA: IT'S Y0UR FAULT HE'S DEAD!  
>  TA: aa 2top  
>  AA: ERIDAN IS DEAD AND Y0U C0ULD'VE ST0PPED IT!!  
>  TA: thii2 really hurt2  
>  AA: FINALLY Y0U HAVE A SENSE 0F EM0TI0N!  
>  TA: don't you thiink ii have enough guiilt of the matter wiithout you 2hoviing the ii22ue iin my face?  
>  AA: Y0U  _SH0ULD_ FEEL GUILTY!  
>  AA: IT'S Y0UR FUCKING FAULT!!  
>  TA: ii'm goiing two block you  
>  AA: Y0U SH0ULD FEEL BAD!
> 
> twinArmageddons [TA] blocked communications with apocalypseArisen [AA]

Aradia would've thrown her computer across the room if she was a lesser person. She took a deep breath, biting at the pillow she was leaning on, and held her mouse over the chat with Equius. She was overloading with anger, and decided that she didn't want to hurt anyone else. She closed her computer and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Her horns cut into the fabric but it didn't matter to her. Nothing did.

She fell into slumber, finding herself on Derse. Her shoes tapped on the obsidian pavement, and she began walking. There were no Dersites to be seen. Maybe they were inside?

She opened a door to a tall tower and began climbing, and began to see a trail of shimmering pale gold light. She ran faster and faster up the steps as the sparkles became more abundant.

She reached the top of the tower. A tall troll, dressed in pale poofy pantaloons and a capelike hood sat at reclining chair, reading a book. As she met his gaze, she felt a rushing motion in the pit of her stomach, and woke up.

Aradia jumped up and punched a pillow. _"Damn it!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yay i think i did sollux's quirk right


	6. Can We Work It Out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited sixth chapter. Ha it sucks.

Aradia's grades slipped during the weeks after Eridan's funeral. She kept feeling more sick and threw up a few times at school, due to the flu or something and combined with stress and loneliness. That much was obvious. What was equally obvious was her repulsion to make friends.

"I'm just going to lose them," she had told the school counselor. "They're going to die and it'll be a repeat of this. Just an endless cycle."

"That's a very unrealistic view on life, Ms Megido," the counselor said with soft eyes. She scribbled down something on her clipboard. "Now, I can set you up one lunch period with another girl your age. Let's see if you can make friends with her."

"That's not the point! What if she dies because of me?" Aradia asked. "I don't want someone else to die because of me being stupid."

"Mr Ampora's death was in no way your fault. It was a tragic accident that could not be prev-"

"It could! It could but I was too late!" She cried. What the hell was this bitch saying?! Eridan could be saved if someone just reached out to him. Aradia could have, but no. She was too late. She was too piggish and slow and too fat to get to his house on time. "It's my fault! I could have stopped it if I tried hard enough!"

The counselor sighed and wrote down what Aradia said on the clipboard. The bell rang. "Time for you to go to class."

"But-"

"I'll arrange a meeting with you and this girl sometime this week, okay?"

"I don't want to-"

"You're going to need to meet a new friend eventually."

"I said-"

"No excuses. You need to have social interaction. There is nothing to fear."

She paused, playing with her long, curly hair. "Can you at least be there to watch us?"

"Of course, dearie," the counselor chuckled. She had the voice of a mother, this woman. So comforting.


	7. With A Boy Like That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I'm updating my fanfiction! Praise demon Jesus!

Aradia sat at her lunch table, refreshing her email's inbox, still clinging to one last bit of hope that Eridan would respond. She knew in the back of her mind that he wouldn't, but it was worth a try.

Right?

"Hey, AA, can we sit here?"

Aradia looked up to see Sollux and Feferi. "Hm? Why?"

"You look lonely. We just want to give you some company," Feferi smiled. She sat down next to Aradia and began to eat her sushi. "What are you doing here all alone?"

"I thought you two didn't care about me," she replied, holding her chin on one of her hands.

Sollux tilted Aradia's computer screen down. "Why would we not care about you? You're a great person."

She opened her computer back up and refreshed her email again. She felt a sudden pain in her midsection and flinched. "Shit!"

"Is something wrong?" Feferi put a hand on Aradia's shoulder.

"It just hurts."

"What does?" Feferi looked down at Aradia then at Sollux frantically.

"It."

"You're being cryptic, AA."

Aradia shrugged and went back to refreshing her inbox.

"Who are you emailing?" Feferi asked, smiling wide.

Sighing, Aradia mumbled, "Eridan. He hasn't responded to our roleplay."

Sollux and Feferi looked at each other, then back at Aradia. "Well," Feferi started. "I-I'm sure he'll answer you soon. It won't be long."

"He hasn't been at school in awhile," Aradia said.

"We know," Feferi said.

"I miss him."

"We know."

They ate in silence for awhile until Sollux asked, "Would you like to hang out later?"

Aradia shrugged. "I'll be the third wheel. Maybe ask Eridan if he wants to come, too, then it won't be awkward."

"No,  I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me. Just the two of us."

She shrugged.

"Should I take that as a yes?"

She nodded.

* * *

 

True to her nonverbal word, Aradia went to Sollux's house that day. Cronus was over, hanging out with Mituna and two other friends, engaged in a half-silent game of Cards Against Humanity. Aradia watched for a bit, baffled by the times when Meulin or Kurloz had to read the cards out loud, and thus had to use sign language.

"I wish I was smart enough to learn that," Aradia told Sollux. "I don't understand how they do that."

"Me either," Sollux said, sitting down on his bed. "Close the door, will ya?"

Aradia did as such and stood awkwardly by the door. "So..."

"So."

"What did you want to do?"

"I'unno," Sollux replied. "Talk, mostly. It's been quite awhile. Why are you so cooped up all the time?"

She glared at him and crossed her arms. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"You sure?" He stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "I just want to help you. I- AA, can I tell you something?"

"Sure, of course," she mumbled.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sollux you're a fucking nerd.


	8. The Less You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW up ahead.

He kissed her.

He pressed his forked tongue against her lips, and his body to hers. He didn't give her a chance to speak as he placed his hands on her waist, and tried to wriggle a leg between her thighs. She felt her back press up against his honey-scented wall and her chest against his.

Cold fingers slunk their way up her shirt, resting at her bra. She wriggled against this, but she was stopped.

"AA, don't go," Sollux requested, severing the kiss. He stroked her face.

_This had to be a dream. Sollux wasn't like this! Not a fucked-up no-means-yes pervert!_

And yet here Aradia was, being forced into a half-passionate kiss. She heard moans come from Sollux's throat as he ran his fingers along the small of her back. She shivered, and he pushed closer and closer.

The kisses turned into Aradia giving in and letting Sollux take over.

Hips rolled against hips, first clothed and then soon skin on skin, and all fabrics eventually were discarded and a mass of grays and blacks writhed over the dual-tone red and blue of Sollux's bed.

Two snakes, one red and the other ocher, danced in harmony, darting in and out of the other. Deep, grumbling moans could be heard, along with a shrill shriek, crying a name over and over, and once it was all done, Aradia Megido felt like a disgusting waste of Alternian life, regretting every decision she ever made.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


End file.
